heart pain

currently reading: zen teachings of master lin chi
I have to read this for my buddhism class, not out of pure pleasure

so anyway, yesterday I experienced a sudden urge of sore heart again. no, its nothing related with romance and all that stuff, my heartache just appeared out of the blue sometimes. sometimes it makes me wonder, maybe Im not gonna live that long. Im not sad nor depressed with this thought though, Im just a little worried with my love ones. what would they do? idk, I try not to think about it as much. I thought my heart problem was already cured ten years ago, but recently I experienced a pain from my heart and my entire left arm. it happened quite often now actually, and this happened periodically out of the blues, especially when I think about things that make me sad. Im afraid to go to the doctor, I dont want another heart surgery. I hate the freaken hospital. the hospital was like my second home when I was younger, no way will I go there again. ok Im sad now thinking about the hospital